


Natasha Romanoff One Shots.

by writerwisegirl



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-03-03 08:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13337343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerwisegirl/pseuds/writerwisegirl
Summary: I rewatched the avengers and I have so many Natasha feels. So I’m doing this





	1. Waking Up

Natasha almost jumps to her feet when Clint’s eyes open but she stops herself. He needs calm and quiet right now. “Clint. You’re gonna be alright.” She tells him.  
“You know that? Is that what you know?” He asks, lashing out at her, the only possible target. She pretends it doesn’t hurt and walks over to pour some water while Clint mutters to himself.  
“You gotta level out, it’s gonna take time.” She tells him.  
“You don’t understand.” He tells her. She knows it’s not his fault, he might not remember everything perfectly right now but dam does that hurt. “Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Pull you out and stuff something else in? Do you know what it’s like to be unmade?” He asks. She knows he’s not expecting and answer but she can’t help herself. She looks at him, her face carefully blank, but she grabs her arm. It’s the one tell she can never get rid of. Good thing only Clint knows it.  
“You know that I do.”  
“Why am I back?” Clint asks “How’d you get him out?”  
“Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard not the head.” Natasha replies, trying her best to inject some humor into the situation.  
“Thanks.” He tells her. Then “Natasha. How many agents did I-“  
“Don’t.” She interups him. “Don’t do that to yourself Clint. This is Loki. This is monsters and magic and nothing we were ever trainer for.”  
“Loki. He get away?” Clint asks. Natasha nods.  
“Don’t suppose you know where.”  
“Didn’t need to know. Didn’t ask.” Clint tells her. She stands up and walk to a window, looking out at the activity. “He’s gonna make his play soon though.Today.”  
“We gotta stop him.”  
“Yeah? Who’s we?”  
“I don’t know. Whoever’s left.”  
“Well, if I put an arrow through Loki’s eye I would sleep better I suppose.” She smiles and walks over to sit next to him.  
“Now you sound like you.”  
“But you don’t.” Clint notices. Natsha automatically grabs at her arm, but Clint moves her hand away from away from it. “You’re a spy, not a solider. Now you want to wade into a war. Why?” She doesn’t answer. “What did Loki do to you?” He asks her.  
“He didn’t, I just...” She let’s her voice trail off.  
“Natasha.” Clint says softly as moves her hand away from arm yet again.  
“I’ve been compromised.” (And here is where I move away from the cannon scene) Clint looks at her worried. Outside of missions, that’s a code phrase for Nat. It means she needs help.  
“‘Tasha. Did you..?” He asks, looking at her arm. She shakes her head.  
“I wanted to. But I’m fine.” Clint shakes his head.  
“No you aren’t.”  
Nat sighs. “No. Not really. I was working, it was all fine. Then Coulson called, said you were compromised. I went into Widow mode. Got Banner. Made it here. Then, we were doing nothing. Just waiting. And you were gone. Dead for all I knew. And all I could think about was Laura and the kids. Then I thought, how am I gonna do this alone. And Clint I wanted to so bad. But things started happening and I guess I just didn’t have time.” During her speech, she had started rubbing at her arm, hard. Clint reached over and guided her hand away.  
“Don’t do that ‘Tasha. It’s not good for you. You know that.”  
“Sorry.” She mutters.  
“It’s okay ‘Tasha. Don’t apologize.” Clint tells her. Natasha looks away, standing up and walking back over to the window. After a moment Clint follows her.  
“Natasha.” Ha says softly. “Talk to me.” She sighs and turns around.  
“I still want to Clint. It just won’t go away.” She pulls one sleeve up and Clint sees her arm is covered in doodles.  
“That bad?” He asks. She nods. “It’s gonna be fine Nat. But as much as I hate doing this, we have to take care of Loki. Then, we’re going to finish this conversation and you’re going to get past this.” Natasha nods, ever greatful for her partner.


	2. A Different Red

Natasha never expected this to happen. She never wanted it to happen. Clint was the only one who knew about this particular habit. So what if she still chained herself her bed. It helped her sleep. But she knew that wouldn’t be enough for Tony, or Steve, or Bruce. But here they were, standing over her, having come to wake her up for a mission. They just stood, shocked. Finally, Tony spoke.  
“Nat? What’s going on?” Natahsa just sighed.  
“Get out. Just get out. Go get Clint.” She told them. They looked as though they were going refuse but she sent them her signature death glare and they left without another word. Natasha wiped at her eyes and reached under her pillow for the keys to her handcuffs. 

—————————————————————

Clint POV 

Clint was woken up by Tony shaking him. As soon as his eyes opened, Tony started talking, forgeting that Clint couldn’t hear him. “Tony, Tony, slow down. Let me get my hearing aids.” He muttered, reaching for them on his bedside table. Tony shut up for a moment but as soon as Clint had them in he started talking again.  
“Sorry Clint, it’s just we went to wake up Nat and she was chained to her bed and then she made us leave and said to get you.”  
“Shit.” Clint muttered, getting up. “Shit Tony. You shouldn’t have done that. You really shouldn’t have done that. This is bad.” Tony looked confused.  
“Clint? What’s going on? Is she okay? I swear we were just waking her up for a mission.” Clint shook his head.  
“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. Me and Nat are staying here. You’ll have to handle whatever it is without us.” Tony sighed.  
“No way. If Nat needs help we are all staying. We can get a S.H.I.E.L.D. team on it.” Clint nodded.  
“That might be a good idea. We might need Bruce. God I hope we don’t need Bruce.” And with that Clint was out the door, brushing past Bruce and Steve who were waiting outside his room. 

—————————————————————

Tony POV 

Tony followed Clint out of his room, still beyond confused, not a feeling the genius was used to. “Clint what is happening!?” He called.  
“Just get another team on it and stay away from her room.” Clint ordered him. “And no cameras!” Tony sighed. Though most of the time he would ignore what Clint said, he had a feeling that this was serious. He turned to Steve and Bruce.  
“Any idea what’s happening?” They both shook their heads, as lost as Tony. “I guess we do what he says then.” 

—————————————————————

Natahsa POV

Natasha was in her room, having finally gotten the cuffs with her hands shaking.  
“Jarvis?” She called. “Lock my doors, don’t let anyone in.”  
“Yes Miss. Romanoff.” Jarvis replied. Natasha started pacing. She knew she was weak. She knew it was sick that she had to chain herself to sleep but god the way the boys had looked at her. That had hurt. Because they had looked disgusted. And she knew it was true. She was disgusting.  
“Miss. Romanoff?” Jarvis called. “Mr. Barton is requesting access to your room.”  
“No!” Natsha yelled, desperately filling out an arm. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. “Don’t let him in.” She bunched her fingers in her hair and pulled a bit, trying to get rid of the pain. She could hear Clint pounding on her door, begging her to let him in, but she ignored it. The pain her scalp reminded her what she used to do when she was upset. One hand moved to rub vigorously at her other arm for a moment before she stood up. She walked to her bathroom and pulled out the case of blades she kept there. Slowly, she pulled one out before placing it to her arm. She pushed down slightly and pulled it along her arm. The pain and blood felt good. They steadied her. Calmed her down. She did it again. And again. And again, for several minutes, all the while Clint was begging her to open up. After some time, Natasha came back to herself and stared down at her arms in horror.  
“Jarvis?” She whispered. “Let Clint in.” The door swung open and Clint sprinted in to find Natasha propped against the bathtub with her arms covered in blood.  
“Shit, ‘Tasha, what did you do?”  
“I’ve been compromised.” Natasha muttered quietly. Clint bent down to inspect her arms.  
“‘Tasha I’m sorry, but it think we need Bruce. This is beyond me.” Natasha only sighed, her head nodding slightly. “Jarvis, get Bruce.” He ordered. 

—————————————————————

Bruce POV 

Bruce was sitting on the couch in the common room with the Tony and Steve when Jarvis spoke up.  
“Dr. Banner, your presence has been requested in Miss. Romanoffs room. I would advice you to bring your medical kit.” Bruce was confused by Jarvis’s instructions but he did as he was asked. He ran up to his rooms and grabbed his med kit before hurrying towards Natasha’s room. Clint meet him in the door way.  
“This is going to look really bad Bruce. But right now you can’t ask questions. Just please help her.” Clint begged him before leading him to the bathroom. What he saw left Bruce stunned. Natasha, the strongest person he knew, was sitting on her bathroom floor covered in her own blood. Shacking off his shock, Bruce hurried forward to Natasha’s side. He took out his tools quickly and began cleaning her wounds. He sucked a breath in the severity. He turned to Clint.  
“Some of these are gonna need stitches.”  
“Is fine.” Natasha grunts. “I’ve had worse.”  
“Nat these are bad. Do you need Clint to hold your hand while I stitch them?” Natahsa shakes her head.  
“Red Room did worse.” Bruce looked at Clint, confused. ‘Don’t ask.’ Clint mouthed. Bruce sighed but began stitching her up. He was surprised when she didn’t even flinch. After Bruce finished Clint sent him a look that said he and Natasha would be up to talk to them soon. 

—————————————————————

Natasha POV 

Natahsa stayed still the whole time Bruce was stitching her up but once he was gone she shuffled over to Clint. He pulled her quickly into his arms.  
“I’m so sorry Clint. I didn’t mean to. They saw me and they just.... they looked at me like I’m disgusting. And I am. I can’t even sleep without handcuffs Clint.”  
“Hey. You are not disgusting ‘Tasha. It’s not your fault that they did that to you. And the boys don’t think you're disgusting. They were worried is all. You should have seen Tony. He was trying to talk to me even before I had my hearing aids in.” Natasha almost managed a smile.  
“I’m sorry Clint. I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you let me in.” After a moment he spoke again. “Do you think we could talk to the others? They’re worried.” When she hesitates he adds “Ill help.” Natasha sighed but nodded. 

—————————————————————

Tony POV 

Tony sat on the couch with Steve, talking about what Bruce was doing. Just then Bruce came out of the elevator. Steve and Tony jumped up and began bombarding him with questions. Bruce waved them off and walked over to sink to wash Natasha’s blood off his hands. Then he sat down on the couch.  
“What happened?” Steve asked.  
“Clint said they’d be here to tell us soon.” He muttered. Just then Clint came into the room, followed by Natasha, who was wearing one of his sweatshirts. They sat down opposite the others and Clint grabbed Natasha’s hand. Normally Tony would make a joke about them holding hands but for now he let it go. 

—————————————————————

Natasha POV 

Natasha sat down with Clint, greatful when he took her hand.  
“You can do this ‘Tasha.” Clint told her. She took a deep breath and began talking.  
“Please don’t interrupt me because if you do I won’t be able to start again. No one but Clint knows this about me and this is really hard to say. When I was in the Red Room, they used to handcuff us to our beds. When I left, I physically could not sleep without them. I still can’t most of the time. I know it’s sick and disgusting but I can’t stop. I’ve tried. And as for what you saw Bruce, well, when I got out I realized just how much damage I had done. How many people I had hurt. And even with the handcuffs I couldn’t sleep without having nightmares about what... what they did to me. So, I started doing some stuff I shouldn’t have. I’m sure you’ve all heard the story the story about how Clint was sent to take me out but made a different call. Well, the reason he made that call was because he found me passed out in a pool of my own blood. I had been.... I had been cutting myself and I went to deep and he saved my life.” She let her voice trail off, not noticing the expressions on Steve, Bruce and Tonys faces. Clint moved his other hand to rub her back. She glanced over at him. “Can I go back to bed now?” She asked. He nodded and stood up, shotting the others a look that said he’d be back when she was settled. He led her back to her room and helped her sit on her bed. She lay down then looked at him. “Can you....” She gestured weakly at her wrist and the handcuffs. Clint nodded before carefully padding the handcuffs so that they wouldn’t cut into the wounds on her wrist, something he had done all to often in the past. He then sat down next to her and held her other hand till she fell asleep.


	3. Winter

Natasha was sitting on her bed in Stark tower. She spent a lot of time there these days. Going up to the common area was to painful. She couldn’t do it. Not when he was there. The Winter Soilder. Her old teacher, her friend. They had been close once. She was in her 20s when he showed up. She remembered that first day, when she had found him, half dead in the snow. She dragged him back to the Room and told them he could be an asset. She didn’t know why she did it, she knew she would be punished for it. And she was, oh she was. But somehow, it was worth it. Maybe it was that she had killed so many people, she just wanted to save one. And somehow she did. Or, then again, maybe not. They had wiped him, turned him into their own personal killing machine. Not as delicate as the Widows, but almost as deadly. But sometimes Natasha, or Natalia, as she was called then, sometimes she was able to get through to him, they would talk during the guard change, when they wouldn’t get caught. But those times, they were awful. For both of them. Natalia- no, Natasha, it’s Natasha now. Natasha didn’t want to bring him back there. She knew he was having a hard time because he couldn’t remember, but what he didn’t know was that remembering, remembering was so much worse. Natasha had never been wiped, oh no, they would never do something so merciful to their precious Black Widow. They made sure she remembered every single kill, every time they beat her, proved that she was their property. But she’s knew that she could get through to James, for he had always been James to her, never Bucky. She knew that if she wanted she could bring it all back. But she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t do that to him. So she stayed in her room.


	4. Natalia

Natsha sat down on a couch in the common room. The others were all filling in too, carrying snacks and blankets. It was there weekly movie night, but Nat had been gone the last few weeks on a mission and had only gotten home yesterday. She was tired and injured but she had made it up from her room to watch the movie and spend time with the rest of her team. She lay on the couch as the rest made their way in, only moving so Clint could sit down and she then put her feet on his lap, letting him take care of her a bit. She closed her eyes and ignored the rest of the Avengers as they chose the movie for that night. They ended up going with Sleeping Beauty, and if Natasha had been paying attention, she would have objected, but she wasn’t and simply muttered assent when they asked her. As they got it set up, she stood up for a moment to get some water, and walked back in as the Evil Queen was talking to her mirror. 

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” The phrase, and the intent behind it, took her back to when she was a child, when she would sit for hours on end watching these cartoons, and the layers of brainwashing that had been added to them by her instructors. Natasha staggered backwards, trying to get away from the others before it was to late. But Clint noticed her ragged breathing and turned around. 

“Natasha?” He asked, worried. 

“N-not my name.” She whispered, shaking her head, trying to rid it of the unwanted memories, and the programming telling her that these were her enemies, that they needed to die. She turned and ran for Bruce’s Hulk Room, knowing that it was the only place that had a chance of holding her. 

Natasha could hear the others worriedly calling her name as she ran, but she didn’t turn. She made it into the Hulk room and managed to slam and lock the door before she completely lost it. Something in her head snapped and she was no longer Natasha Romanoff, Avenger and hero. She was Natalia Alianovna Romanova and she was a killer. She was a spy, and an assassin, and she was ruthless. 

After a few moments the boys walked in and she immediately started processing everything she could about them. One of them was clearly quite stuck up, yet at the moment he had put his ego completely aside, running and banging on the glass. As though... as though he might care about her. But that was ridiculous. Natalia had never been cared about, not since Winter. But Winter was gone, put on ice and brainwashed so many times there was no way he could ever remember her. 

But she was getting off task. These sappy memories were off no use to her. She was the Black Widow, she didn’t need emotions, had no use for them. The other men had arrived now, one toting a bow and arrows, another a big hammer. But it was the last one through the door that caught her attention. ‘No’ She thought. ‘No, it’s not him, it’s not Winter, not James’ because it can’t be. Her James is gone, wiped or dead. And yet.  
“James?” She whispered. Something in his eyes seemed to light up. He took a step forward. 

“Natalia?” He asked quietly. One of the other men frowned. 

“Bucky what’s going on?” He asked, putting a hand on James’s shoulder. James brushed him off. 

“It’ll be fine Steve. I’ll handle her.” Handle. Natalia hated that word. She scrambled back. Clearly James had been wiped. He was sent to be her handler, to make sure she complied. 

“Я готов выполнить” (I am ready to comply) she told him in Russian. She noticed the other looking confused and James looking...strange. She wasn’t used to seeing him display emotions but if she had to guess, she would say he almost looked...sad?

“Shit.” James muttered. “Вы свободны Наталья. вам не нужно соблюдать.” (You are free Natalia. You do not need to comply.) He told her in Russian. Natalia was confused. He was her handler. Her compliance was supposed to be rewarded. He was not supposed to tell she did not need to comply. James tried again. “Ложись спать Наталья.” (Go to sleep Natalia.) An order. Natalia could follow orders. She could go to sleep. Hopefully when she woke up things would make more sense.


	5. A/N

Hey! Just wanted to say that I'm going to start posting my one shots mostly as separate works, unless they are particularly short, so if you want more content about Natasha (some should be posted in the next few days) I'd suggest subscribing to my profile rather than this story.

-Liz


End file.
